Salting the Salt

I said I would continue that one post…and I’m not going to. Not right now anyway.
What I would like to do is open up a can of worms and share them with you right now. That is how perfectly human I am, and how God is blasting through that with His samurai sword of truth. I’m on that dang bicycle again, but I’m plummeting toward a barb wired fence that wants to decapitate me.

First. I have plans. You have plans too, but I have plans that are actually going to happen. My brain has worked through them, and they are pretty much good as done. I have a five year plan for after graduation to dodge the “work force” boomerang. Sure, it’s plausible. It involves God. It has a dash of danger and a sprinkling of adventure. It’s got about twelve pounds of awesome. All of this adding up to a delightful recipe of me pleasing me and doing what I want.

Second. I am surrounded by Christians. I live with them, go to class with some, interact daily with many. This is all good and fine. I have a great Christian force behind me. Do I feel like I’m being light in a really bright room? Yah, I’m like the extra light bulb. Or like I’m salt to an already terribly over-salted potato? Makes me gag.

Every(ish) morning I sit down with my oatmeal and coffee, and I start with the proverb of the day.

Proverbs 20:5 (Yesterday)- “A plan in the heart of a man is like deep water, But a man of understanding draws it out. “

Proverbs 19:21 (Day before yesterday)- “ Many are the plans in a man’s heart, But the counsel of the Lord, it will stand.”

(This morning) Proverbs 21:2- “Every man’s way is right in his own eyes, But the Lord weighs the heart.”

That word PLAN is just getting me good. MY five year PLAN. All of that. I made allowances like, “oh I’ll be ok if somehow I get in some sort of serious relationship” or “I’m fine with the different arrangement of the things I want to do. So long as they all happen still.” Who do I think I am? For reals though, who?

And I’ve got to be salt and light in this world. Not where there already IS salt and light but where it’s dark and bland. Jesus came and ate with the tax collectors and sinners. I’ve got to find our modern day tax collectors.

I’m taking steps in prayer and in actual steps to address both of these issues BUT it needs to be an inward heart change. A change of my mind set. Which actually kind of pertains to the previous post…hmmmmm. Unintentional. Very cool.

I don't even ride bikes anymore

“Ask any Christian where he would like to grow and he or she will say, “I would like to pray more.” As a remedy, some seek accountability or discipline themselves to pray and pray longer. A better strategy is to know God as the One Who Hears and remember the many stories of how He listens. Let it sink in that God is not like us. While we can “merely listen” (James 1:22) in the sense that we can hear the words but not respond, when God hears, He acts. Every instance of God hearing is followed by His might acts.”
Running Scared- fear, worry, and the God of rest.
Edward T. Welch

I get to these points in my walk with God where I think that God can take a break. Ya know, I’ve got this now. I’ve learned to ride the bicycle and now I’m just going to go go go, faster and faster, and I don’t need my instructor anymore. Reality begs to differ however, as I’m riding my life bike, and all of a sudden it’s dark outside, or I miss a turn, or I get into heavy traffic, or a wild life creature, such as the bear, is pursuing me and I don’t know what to do with it! The neighborhood kids are pelting me with broken action figures and firecrackers and I suddenly wish I’d known how to deal with this.

I came back from Spain, in that state of mind, close to two months ago, where my life was for the most part, void of deep interaction with other believers. Close to a month after my return to the States, I go to see and spend time with my close friend Lyndsey. In this time she poses to me this idea that she has been learning during her time in Brazil that summer. This idea says this, that so often we live our life changing our outward appearance because that is what man sees, that is what is expected, that is what is “obedient”. HOWEVER, in all of this, there is a very desperate rut that we can get into, that being the lack of change within. Elaboration station: no outward change is going to change what is inside of us, and God looks at the heart, which He tells us in 1 Samuel 16:7.
“But the Lord said to Samuel, “ Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

Actions are fruit, but in order to be fresh and delicious fruit, the roots have to be right and healthy, so from the inside out, like that one song, do we need to be seeking Christ-likeness.
I was reading this book Running Scared, at lunch today, and over my yogurt and granola, I began to realize that reoccurring themes aren’t just that. I have to take every thought captive. My attitudes about things need to be different in order for my thought life, actions and speech toward others to be different. This acting stuff doesn’t cut it. I’m always thinking, ok, I’ve got to pray more. Like longer and stuff. Or I’ve got to be nicer to that one person. Or I should really get my homework done sooner and better. It needs to be, God is the only One who hears, who acts, and who I can trust. I want to want to love this person, so God show me my worth in Your eyes and what unworthy scum I was before. God show me that everything I do is a witness and I should do everything for Your glory, AND with joy.

All of this to be continued…

I want to be a spy.

Well, I'm a blogger now. I was thinking, yesterday, as I walked around the Kingfisher Trail. Just thinking. I had just ran a mile, and as I am unable to think whilst running, I have to wait until I walk. After I thought about stuff for a while, I thought about blogging and why people blog their thoughts. THEN I began to think of my thoughts, and what I thought I was doing, blogging them. Here are a few of the thoughts that I had yesterday:
- You know what? I don't like Chili's and everybody else does.
- I really do think that purple is my favorite color. I wonder why.
- Tanning has to be addicting.
- Why am I outside right now?
- My knee kinda hurts.
- I wish my dog was with me.
That's just a few of them. Here are some thoughts that are reoccurring for several years in my head:
- I want to be a spy so bad.
- I would be an awesome spy.
- I hope that when I'm a spy, I can all of a sudden know about 30 languages and be a bad A fighter.
- There are so many people I don't like that don't know I don't like them. That's a sign of a good spy, I think.

I don't really understand why I'm into that spy thing, but all of this to say, that my everyday thoughts aren't beautiful. They are weird, and they weird me out, and as this is the pattern, it is a real exciting time when God intervenes into my ugly, preposterous thought life and enlightens or convicts or is simply there. He is beautiful, and what thoughts He gives me I would like to share to encourage any and gain advice and what have you. Anyways, I will never be a spy, so thinking upon Him is probably a much better use of my time.